18 of the Funniest Japanese Inventions

The Japanese have invented lots of great things: emoji, PlayStation, bullet trains, digital cameras, karaoke, instant ramen. With over 2000 years of history, it’s had a lot of time to think up gadgets to make everyone’s lives better. Who can argue that smartphones haven’t made all our lives more accessible? And how would we ever survive the world of texting without emoji?

Alas, some ideas failed to make the cut to the popularization such products enjoy today. Just as some are brilliant, there are also plenty that are not as obviously great.

These kinds of products are called chindogu (珍道具), literally meaning rare or unusual gadget. These sorts of gadgets are usually silly and kind of useless, but every so often there’ll find a stroke of genius. You can decide for yourself: would you feel embarrassed using these in public?

It seems the 80s in particular enjoyed a radical movement in the way of strange and useless inventions, as you can tell from the many these dated photos.

Hand-y chopper

Watch the fingers!

This would be a lifesaver for those who are clumsy in the kitchen. Instead of worrying about chopping off one of your fingers, use this fake hand to hold things in place!

As long as you don’t mind the strong resemblance to Thing from "The Adams Family", it should be handy.

Baby mop onesie

Cute AND functional!

Exploit your little bundle of joy to clean house for you.

Noodle eating face mask

No more pesky hairs in your ramen.

The authentic way to enjoy Japanese noodles is to slurp loudly for all to hear. Unfortunately this causes some splash-age that may get the salty broth on your face and clothes. Protect them with this nifty mask! Bonus: keep your soup hair-free!

Face Concealing Wrapper

Just because a girl has to eat doesn't mean she can't look cute, too.

Stretching your mouth wide to stuff a burger in your mouth may be delicious, but not very ladylike. Conceal your “bad manners” with these wrapper of a lady’s face.

Chopsticks fan

Can't wait for those cup noodles to cool off? This guy knows the struggle.

Again, Japanese people enjoy slurping noodles, which also helps cool down them down. Let a built in fan do the work for you.

Face slimmer

Yes, you WILL look ridiculous while using this product.

At first glance this appears to be an instrument of torture. There are many more like it. It’s supposed to develop the muscles in your face by pronouncing Japanese vowels.

Boob phone cases

Squishable anime phone cases.

It’s no secret that Japanese men love boobs and anime girls. Put them together and they’ll never put down their phone again.

Lap pillow

A lap for a nap.

Alas, the majority of Japanese men are often too busy to find a mate and settle down, leaving them longing for the intimacy of laying their head on a woman’s lap.

Imagine walking into the break room and seeing all your male colleagues doing this?! In all honesty it looks rather pathetic. Luckily there’s something for the ladies, too.

Salaryman pillow

Is there a "macho" salaryman version of this?

Ladies face the same problems, too. Now you can be cuddled by half a man’s upper body – "salaryman" style, because a working man is sexy. Who needs the rest?

Tomato feeder while you run

Never have to stop for a snack mid-race with this tomato feeder.

Intended for people running marathons. But why can't it feed your pizza or burgers instead?

Toilet paper hat

You'll never be stranded on the toilet bowl again with this functional toilet paper hat.

Japanese people experience terrible allergies every spring and often find themselves in need of some good tissue. Just wear this lovely toilet paper hat and you’ll never be bothered by the sniffles again! Disclaimer: this product may invoke toilet-related humor.

Eye funnel glasses

Eye funnels? Seriously?

Because it’s sooo difficult to get those drops in your eyes.

Breastfeeding manboobs

This could get awkward real quick...

Now daddys can embrace their maternal instincts by “breastfeeding” their infant. Not recommend use outside of the house.

Anti-rape dess

Rape avoided!

Simply cover yourself with this dress and you’ll be invisible as a vending machine! Yes! Rapist avoided! Unless he’s thirsty...

Foot powered hairdryer

Even the model thinks this is a terrible idea.

For those who forgot to pay the electric bill, simply dry your hair walking to work.

Umbrella tie

The best ties are functional ones.

Always be prepared for the rainy season in Japan. Which is pretty much all the time. It rains a lot.

DIY 360 degree camera

The struggle was real.

In the stone ages before built in iPhone cameras, you’d have to buy a bunch of cameras and strap them around your head to take panoramic pictures.

Shoe umbrellas

We're pretty sure your shoes are going to get wet anyway.

I can see the advantage of wearing these, but they look so utterly ridiculous I have to say this is a terrible invention that should stay back in the 80s.

You can check out even more crazy chindogu inventions in books such as The Big Bento Box of Unuseless Japanese Inventions, 99 More Unuseless Japanese Inventions: The Art of Chindogu.                                         

What will they think of next?!