Besides samurais, ninjas, sushi, and Pikachu, Japan is widely known for its seeming penchant for all things strange, bizarre, and downright odd. At least that’s what frequently pops up in articles on the internet. All in all, Japan is a rather conservative country where you’re not going to run into any cross-dressing celebrities, robot girls, or anime cosplayers on your way to work in the morning, but it does have its fair share of oddities that you can’t help but smile at.
Without further ado, here’s some of the wackiest things I’ve come across in Japan within the last year. I’ve also included a scale of “awesome versus weird”. Do you agree?
The importance of holding a good intercourse with nature
This is a random greeting card I found at the mall while Christmas shopping last year. What does this have to do with the polar bear? Are they suggesting intercourse with a polar bear? This greeting card is a basket case. The Japanese are lucky to be in blissful ignorance of what this says. Just imagine getting this as a birthday or sympathy card. Whoever designed this must have had a twisted sense of humor.
Awesome vs weird: 0:3
Awesome vs weird: 0:3
Quick, where’s my wallet?! I NEED these in my life!
These next three are all wacky items I discovered while flipping through the magazine on the shinkansen. Who knew blowing one of those party favors could be such strenuous exercise and tone your abs at the same time! Remarkable. It's almost one meter long! Only 40 dollars! And great party favors! If you dislike your guests simply pop these babies in their mouths and they’ll be too tired to annoy you for the rest of the night.
Awesome vs weird: 2:3
Ah, the Japanese are known for loving to clean their ears. Just look at the expression of the man using this fancy ear wax remover for only 50 dollars! And it even comes with its own carrying case. If you’ve ever watched anime, you’ve probably come across at least one scene in which the man sits on his girlfriend’s lap and enjoys the immeasurably pleasurable experience of her cleaning all the gunk out of his ears. Shudder. Sorry, but no matter how much I love you, I will not be doing this.
Awesome vs weird: this one is just plain gross for me, so I’m going with a 0:4. The man’s expression and the piles of earwax definitely does this one in.
This one looks like a fancy pacifier! Or maybe not even a fancy one…Relive your childhood with this pacifier-shaped, “beauty voice trainer”. Yes, it’s actually supposed to help you improve your voice that you will make you the envy of everyone at karaoke! Only 50 dollars!
Awesome vs weird: 1:4
Lastly, you’ve probably experienced difficulty getting out of bed in the early morning. For those with serious snooze problems, just get this special inflatable pillow that goes under your back. When you can’t get up on time, it will inflate and somehow be so awakening your eyes will pop right open in amazement! Pretty sure Japanese people are heavy sleepers, as they never seem to get enough of it, and not sure just how foolproof a pillow inflating under your back is to really jar you awake. But hey, all the station workers love it! And for only 100 dollars, it could be yours. Not sure what costs that much if it’s really just an inflatable pouch. There’s must be something special in that box it’s connected to. Perhaps there’s a siren that goes off when the inflating pouch fails to wake you.
Awesome vs weird: this seems just a waste of money, so I give it a 0:3. Not so much weird as pointless.
Mom! There’s not enough whipped cream in my sandwich!
Strawberry/fruit/azuki bean whipped cream sandwiches. Visit any convenience store in Japan and you’ll find a plethora of options when it comes to premade sandwiches, which always use soft, white crustless bread, are light on fillings and always include mayonnaise. But if you’ve got a hankering for something sweet, you’re in luck! Found these babies at a Lawson’s but they’re a bit of a rarity. For me it’s a little hard to see the appeal of eating whip cream and fruit inside pieces of bread – why don’t they just make it a cake?
Awesome vs weird: Still, who wouldn’t want to eat whip cream and strawberry in their sandwich? 4:3
Reached a plateau in your diet? Try fresh whale blubber.
Found this beauty on the way to the Taco Bell in Shibuya. So many things disturbing about this. Besides the obvious, “you’re actually eating whale meat?! Shouldn’t this be illegal?! Quit killing whales!” As all Japanese restaurants do, they try to make it more appealing by using cute characters, in this case the whale which you are soon going to be eating saying “I love diet!”. Surprising was the unexpected low-calorie appeal – as if we would ever associate whales with diets. They claim whale meat is only 106 cals versus 368 for pork and a whopping 517 for beef. Who would guess. It seems the Japanese can sell anything and make anything sound appealing.
Awesome vs weird: I say leave the whales alone. 0:4
Strut your stuff in these vintage Kumamon kicks
Then there are these monstrosities. You may be familiar with the popular yurukyara character Kumamon, but would you actually wear him on your shoes ladies? Even for under ten bucks, they didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Although there was only one pair left…What kind of person would actually wear these?!
Awesome vs weird: 0:4.
Satisfy your appetite with some ‘noodie’ and ‘prewn’
Then there’s the ubiquitous example of Engrish scattered heavily around Asia, with hilarious results. My favorite Chinese restaurant near my home is no exception.
Feeling in the mood tonight? Get a little crazy with some ‘noodie’.
Will this cure my constipation?
Awesome vs weird: The results are quite hilarious so I'm going with a 4:2.
What?! You say you can make anything into bread?!
Going back to the convenience stores, there never ceases to be something amusing. Case in point, these very unique breads.
Did not sample either of these but I’m sure they’re interesting to say the least.
Awesome vs weird: corn: 3:1. Okonomiyaki – my absolute favorite Japanese food – 5:1
Hello Pussycat
This I discovered a few months ago on the way to the airport. Would you check out those super cute Hello Kitty sandals?! Stylish! They’ve even got some bling! What kind of fashionable wearer could this – wait a minute. Those legs are rather hairy. OMG it’s a guy wearing Hello Kitty sandals. And no one’s making fun of him. He wouldn’t get halfway down the street in America stepping outside the house in those. In Japan it’s easier to transcend gender bounds when it comes to good grooming and fashion. This also however leads to inevitable confusion as to what gender the person is…I’ve had at least a few students where I was seriously confused whether they were a boy or a girl until a good few months into the school year. Short hair is extremely popular for girls here, and body types tend to have less pronounced differences than westerners. I’ve even looked through a magazine filled with models in super cute outfits and accessories and makeup to find out it’s all men. And they look way prettier than us girls. Talk about unfair.
Awesome vs weird: obviously personal opinions come into play here, but for me it was a total 0:5 shocker.
No girlfriend, no problem! Squeezable breast balls reassure that you’re loved
One thing the Japanese are known for besides their love of fish and green tea is big boobs, as evidenced in just about every single anime, video game, or comic book on the market. But these?! I can’t. Even. Not sure whether it’s cute that these disembodied boobs say “I love you” when you squeeze them or just plain revolting.
Awesome vs weird: well, I'm a lady so I'm going with a grade of 0:5
Sh** happens.
Right next to these ‘breasts balls’ was a fine quality piece of sh**. Poop is another affinity of the Japanese, but this is because the word for poop sounds similar to the word for good fortune. I seriously would not want to walk in on someone playing with this anymore than I would want to with the former.
Awesome vs weird: depends if you're into that sort of thing, but my call is 1:4
Uh-oh! Someone call the police. There’s a pants thief on the loose.
This was discovered during my first visit to yoyogi park in Harajuku. Wait, what’s that doing on the ground – are those -?!
Yes. Yes they are. And this means someone’s running around boxer-less.
Awesome vs weird: 0:4
Make time to stop and smell the rose-scented-toilet-paper
Can I say this was totally awesome – this toilet paper actually swells sweet like roses! Plus its pink and pretty. Makes you feel like a lady when it comes to taking a dump. Also with a built in air freshener. Where can I buy this?!
Awesome vs weird scale: 5:0
Have yourself a merry little Halloween
While these were being sold at an import store, judging from the English I'm not sure if they're really imported. At least in America we never hear “Merry Halloween.” Also green pumpkins are not a thing – yet in Japan that’s the only kind of pumpkin, more akin to a squash, that they have. I suppose they're trying to make Halloween seem more cute – they even have Halloween cards here! – as typically appeals to the average Japanese buyer by adding the “merry”, sending us subliminal good feelings of Christmas.
Awesome vs weird: 1:3
Would you care for some nut of horse? They’re fresh.
Another unfortunate incidence of Engrish, however the outcome is hilarious. Came across this in a gift shop in Nikko. We get that they're chestnuts, however the writer wanted us to know as much information as possible. Personally I find “nut of horse” something I'd rather not ingest…
Awesome vs weird: 1:4
Serenade yourself with the soothing sound of eggs Benedict.
This is just another of the many examples of crazy Engrish roaming Japan. Hey, it’s English, so it’s cool! Who cares what it actually means! Thus, we have this. “My Eggs Benedict”, aka the stylish “MEB”. Engrish is highly prevalent in Japanese music, with songs so often sprinkled with random English tidbits, not caring for accuracy, and some bands even going by strange monikers such as the popular “Bump of Chicken”. When it comes to music here, things get strange. Really strange.
Awesome vs weird: 1:4
Here comes the playboy bunny, Harajuku style
This. Will. Haunt me forever. These are scattered around stylish Harajuku. Just who thought it was a good idea to stick a rabbit’s head on a cute girl’s body?! What was going through their head at the time?! Not sure what the Japanese think about this, but it really freaks me out. Shudder. The dark side of kawaii Harajuku.
Awesome vs weird: 0: 5
Bowing. Everyone does it. Even mannequins.
When it comes to showing respect to others, no one does it better than the Japanese. They love bowing! Just watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBKk_J1b7NM Everyone bows: adults, children, CEOs, athletes, performers, even pets (maybe). Heck, it may as well be a sport! So it’s only natural that mannequins bow as well to show the store’s high level of respect for their honored customers. (Unless you’re viewing from this angle – then it just looks like they’re mooning you.) Actually, they’re really just showing the stretchiness of the fabric, but bowing sounds better, right?
Awesome vs weird: 4: 2
Welcome to the Milk Room: would you like skim, 2 percent, or chocolate?
You might come across this next to the women’s bathrooms at the mall. This is in fact a nursing room, but why not call it the milk room? Everyone will understand, and it looks cool cause it’s in English. Unfortunately no milk is actually being sold here, and you might get some looks if you walk in here without an infant.
Awesome vs weird: nursing is a natural part of child rearing so the name is more amusing than weird. 3:0
Finally, Engrish proves to be the single most entertaining source in all of Japan. Case in point:
Yes. These are actual stores. At the mall. In Japan. But hey, no one really knows English so no one will mind being considered a freak for shopping here. And I suppose it does make sense that this shop is called Starvations as there's no food here, clothing only! There are many, many, many other examples of crazy store or restaurant names out there. Just head to your local mall.
Naturally there are so many more gems out there just waiting to be found. Got an example of the awesome, bizarre, or downright odd? Send it my way!
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